Sorry, Your Call Has Been Blocked

At my wife's urging,
I purchased a dummy cellphone—
very authentic looking,
but responsive as a block of wood.

Now, she thought,
when I wandered about the world
talking to myself,
I'd look less crazy
chatting with a piece of wood.

spruce trees are beginning
to leave me messages
on my cellphone
and ring tones keep appearing,
ghostly ripples in front of my eyes.
It's hard to drink it all in.
Then, yesterday,
I had a final notice
from a blue toothpick.

I may have to stop talking to myself
and begin conversing
with the moon.

—Duane Ackerson